It’s no secret that I’m not a morning person. I never have been, and, most likely, I never will be. Back in 2011, I embarked on a journey to become more disciplined and intentional. I started the year with the lofty goal of getting up with Dennis every morning at 5 a.m. I think that lasted for about three days before I quit.
It’s just not for me, y’all.
My entire life, I’ve been OK with being a night owl. Growing up, the hour before I went to bed was my time to journal and study scripture. Since I always rolled out of bed with precisely enough time to get myself ready and out the door, having a quiet time in the morning was never really in the cards.
Then I got married, and suddenly my time alone each evening disappeared. Evenings were spent making supper and hanging out with Dennis. Life changed, and so did my quiet times. I started journaling and studying Scripture in the mornings when I woke up alone, since Dennis had long been gone for work.
That worked fine for a few years, then I had a baby, and, once more, everything changed. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out when I was supposed to spend any time alone with the Lord. Every night, I fell into bed exhausted from a day of feeding a hungry little mouth and wiping a cute little hiney. The blogosphere is full of all these happy little mamas who cheerfully get up at 5 a.m. to sip coffee and enjoy the solitude of the morning. I think they’re crazy. Sleep and I are way too happy together for me to give it up for a little time alone.
These days, I’ve decided to follow the advice of Tim Gunn. I’m making it work, y’all. I sit at the dining table while Micah eats breakfast and watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Kendall rolls around on the floor. I’m frequently interrupted by squeals of laughter and Micah’s questions, but that doesn’t make my time with the Lord any less sweet. In fact, I think it makes it sweeter.
This is my life. I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’m probably not going to have a solid hour alone each day, but if I can sit on my tail and read blogs and catch up on facebook while my kids entertain themselves, there’s no reason why I can’t read my Bible and write in my journal instead. An added bonus to this solution is that as my girls grow up, they will see their mama begin each day in the word of God, and I think that’s important. It’s called leading by example.
Over the years, I’ve seriously had to alter my concept of what an acceptable “quiet time” is. Way back in the day, I would plug in my headphones, listen to some praise music, write in my journal, study my Bible, and read a book. In that order, every single time. Alone in my room, usually with a candle lit. It was my special time with the Lord. Sometimes we insist that a quiet time isn’t right if it’s not absolutely silent and serene. Like God doesn’t hear our prayers if we don’t utter them solemnly while we’re all alone in our rooms. As if we’re doing it wrong if it doesn’t follow some silly preset formula or format.
It’s taken me 30 years to realize that time with the Lord doesn’t have to be silent to be meaningful. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be purposeful. Today, I’m reminded that Jesus has called me to walk with Him and to talk with Him. It’s that simple.
Until next time, grace and peace.
{print available from the wheatfield}
Our world is one of instant gratification. I can have popcorn in two minutes and the response to a text in seconds. Thanks to my fancy phone, I never have to wait until I get home to check my e-mail, and I can update twitter whenever it strikes my fancy. I grow annoyed at red lights and frustrated at train tracks. Waiting is not something I do well.
I know I’m not alone in this. Go on, admit it. You’re not good at waiting either. You know what you want, and like Veruca Salt on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the original version), you want it now.
The fast-paced-have-it-your-way-in-five-minutes-or-less culture that we live in has bred us to expect instant results. And most of the time, that’s fine. Except, of course, when we’re required to wait.
This week, I’ve been studying the Old Testament story of Abraham and Sarah. God promised them something big, and they waited a looooooooong time – 25 years to be exact – for it to happen.
Have you ever been there? Stuck in a holding pattern, waiting for something more? I am so there, y’all. I know how they felt. God promised me something a long time ago, and I’m wondering how long it will take for it to happen.
A couple of months ago, I went to Nashville with some other women from my church to attend a leadership forum. As I listened to some really fabulous women speak and teach, I was reminded of how badly I desire that kind of ministry. I recalled the moments in my life when I have felt God’s firm hand tugging me in that direction…and yet…I wait.
Don’t get me wrong – God has always been faithful to me. He has provided writing projects that have stretched and challenged me. I am currently overwhelmed by offers from editors, and that’s a good thing. Three years ago, with my brand new M.Div. gathering dust in the closet, it took me months to generate any sort of interest in my work. Months. I am thankful and grateful for the editors who have taken chances on me and allowed me to contribute to their publications. They have helped me get this train rolling.
But I’m still not satisfied. I want more. The prophet Jeremiah famously said that the word of God burned in him like a fire that he simply could not hold in.
I’m weary of holding it in, y’all.
And yet, in six short months, I will give birth to a brand new baby. My sweet little toddler is turning into quite a handful. I can’t even manage to go to the grocery store most weeks, much less travel across the country teaching the word of God. It’s just not time for that dream to become a reality. As much as I long for God to use me in such extraordinary ways, I feel like He is first calling me to be faithful in the place I am right now. In this stage of life. To raise my babies and serve in my church and write when I can.
God’s delay in fulfilling His promises is not His denial of their eventual realization.
Abraham and Sarah learned that by waiting. As for me, well, I’m trying. Patience takes practice, you know. I’m learning that just because it may not happen overnight doesn’t mean that it won’t happen at all. I’m taking it one step at a time and one assignment after another, all the while trusting that God’s timing is impeccable.
Until next time, grace and peace.
A few weeks ago, I shared a link to part one of a Bible study about Abraham that I wrote for myMISSIONfulfilled. Today, I want to share part two of the Bible study with you.
Family Traditions is about handing down faith from generation to generation. As believers, we have a responsibility to mentor and assist younger believers as they grown in faith. Click through MMF to read the entire article, and let me know what you think!
Until next time, grace and peace.
It seems that the running theme of these monthly update posts is busy-ness. July was no different; in fact, it was the busiest and most chaotic month yet. We visited with Dennis’ family on the farm and then returned to the farm to lend a hand when Logan had the first round of seizures. We went to the Smoky Mountains with my family. I wrote articles and curriculum and designed a custom wedding suite. Dennis tore apart the master bath and slowly started rebuilding it. It was a crazy month.
And when things get crazy, I enter survival mode. I stayed up late to complete my work and neglected running. I got farther behind in my Bible reading and struggled to maintain any sense of order in our household.
I always thought that if I just worked a little bit harder, if I was a little more disciplined, that I would be able to do everything and be everything, but that’s just not true. I’m discovering that a disciplined life is only possible if the life is structured for discipline. I’ve been trying to introduce discipline to my life by addressing separate pieces of the whole, but it’s like trying to neatly stack books on an overflowing bookcase. There’s no room for it.
Hence the decision for Micah to start preschool. On one hand, three hours a day doesn’t seem like much, but on the other hand, it more than doubles what I had previously. It gives me precious quiet time alone to read the Bible, and it allows me to work during work hours and leave it behind when the day is over. That means that I’ll have more time to do things like go running and maintain meaningful relationships and actually be intentional in all areas of my life.
At least, I hope it will. We shall see how it goes. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated.
Until next time, grace and peace.
Sigh. It’s hard to believe that yet another month has passed. In all honesty, June was really about reclaiming my life. At the beginning of the month, I was utterly and completely overwhelmed by all that I had piled on my plate. Between my writing deadlines, Minted challenges, VBS, youth camp, and plain old everyday life, it was a pretty wild ride.
I’m starting to realize how much I crave order in my life. If I’m going to work, I have to have an organized workspace. I need a clean desk and an empty inbox to really concentrate. The level of disorder in my home is a direct reflection of the disorder in my priorities and attention as of late. When I closed the etsy shop, I did it because it had become priority number one. I let everything else slide when I had orders to fill, and I became obsessed with selling more cards and making more money. Sales are good, but I couldn’t keep up with the pace I had set, and our lives reflected it.
Stepping back for a few moments was really good for me. During the time that the shop was closed, I was able to go to Centrifuge with our youth group, and it was completely refreshing. To be honest, I never really expected to be on the receiving end of the teaching there, but the camp pastor, Chad Poe, spoke directly to my heart and really encouraged me to refocus my attention. I had become very intentional about building my business, but I had lost sight of the things that truly matter.
All of that to say, June has been a month about being intentional with my time and attention. I have continued to run regularly, and it has helped me tremendously to leave the house and work behind for a little while and simply hit the pavement. I’m still reading my Bible, but I’m also still behind. As I frenetically tried to catch up so I could check it off my list, I realized that I was missing the point. I was rushing through the reading for the sake of saying that I had completed it. So I’ve decided to release myself from catching up. I’ve developed the discipline of twice daily Bible reading; now I’m working on reading it with intention, which is something that I should have been doing all along.
As I type this, the household is back in order and manageable again. It’s my goal to keep it that way.
Until next time, grace and peace.
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