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Our world is one of instant gratification. I can have popcorn in two minutes and the response to a text in seconds. Thanks to my fancy phone, I never have to wait until I get home to check my e-mail, and I can update twitter whenever it strikes my fancy. I grow annoyed at red lights and frustrated at train tracks. Waiting is not something I do well.
I know I’m not alone in this. Go on, admit it. You’re not good at waiting either. You know what you want, and like Veruca Salt on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the original version), you want it now.
The fast-paced-have-it-your-way-in-five-minutes-or-less culture that we live in has bred us to expect instant results. And most of the time, that’s fine. Except, of course, when we’re required to wait.
This week, I’ve been studying the Old Testament story of Abraham and Sarah. God promised them something big, and they waited a looooooooong time – 25 years to be exact – for it to happen.
Have you ever been there? Stuck in a holding pattern, waiting for something more? I am so there, y’all. I know how they felt. God promised me something a long time ago, and I’m wondering how long it will take for it to happen.
A couple of months ago, I went to Nashville with some other women from my church to attend a leadership forum. As I listened to some really fabulous women speak and teach, I was reminded of how badly I desire that kind of ministry. I recalled the moments in my life when I have felt God’s firm hand tugging me in that direction…and yet…I wait.
Don’t get me wrong – God has always been faithful to me. He has provided writing projects that have stretched and challenged me. I am currently overwhelmed by offers from editors, and that’s a good thing. Three years ago, with my brand new M.Div. gathering dust in the closet, it took me months to generate any sort of interest in my work. Months. I am thankful and grateful for the editors who have taken chances on me and allowed me to contribute to their publications. They have helped me get this train rolling.
But I’m still not satisfied. I want more. The prophet Jeremiah famously said that the word of God burned in him like a fire that he simply could not hold in.
I’m weary of holding it in, y’all.
And yet, in six short months, I will give birth to a brand new baby. My sweet little toddler is turning into quite a handful. I can’t even manage to go to the grocery store most weeks, much less travel across the country teaching the word of God. It’s just not time for that dream to become a reality. As much as I long for God to use me in such extraordinary ways, I feel like He is first calling me to be faithful in the place I am right now. In this stage of life. To raise my babies and serve in my church and write when I can.
God’s delay in fulfilling His promises is not His denial of their eventual realization.
Abraham and Sarah learned that by waiting. As for me, well, I’m trying. Patience takes practice, you know. I’m learning that just because it may not happen overnight doesn’t mean that it won’t happen at all. I’m taking it one step at a time and one assignment after another, all the while trusting that God’s timing is impeccable.
Until next time, grace and peace.
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Surprise, surprise. It’s me again. Look out world, I’ve posted two days in a row :)
I’ve been thinking a lot about yesterday’s post, and I realize that it could have come across as a bit, well, depressing.
Rest assured that Peanut (our temporary name for bambino numero dos) is not unwanted. To the contrary, we have talked about Peanut since before Micah was born. Peanut is most definitely wanted and loved. That said, Peanut’s emergence into our lives is unexpected and unplanned at the moment.
And in case you were wondering, unplanned pregnancy is hard. Period. Yes, this child is a blessing, and I am thankful that we have the means to care for and nurture Peanut. I am overwhelmed by the idea that God has entrusted yet another human being to our care, and yet, now that I’ve had a few months to get used to the idea, our lives would somehow be incomplete without this baby. This unplanned, unexpected baby is most certainly loved and wanted.
And so, life goes on. I am adjusting to the idea that Micah will be a big sister soon – even if I have absolutely no idea where Peanut is going to sleep. We’ve got some time to figure all that out.
I’m also learning that there’s some wisdom in adding “God willing,” to all your future plans. God willing, Peanut will arrive into this world a happy and healthy child. God willing, Micah will be the best big sister there ever was. And God willing, Dennis and I will be the kind of parents that God created us to be.
Until next time (God willing), grace and peace.
Seeing as how my last post was on October 26 and lots of life has happened between now and then, I thought it was only fitting to re-enter the blogging world with a little recap of the last couple of months of 2011. I know, we’re almost halfway through January, and I’m late to the looking back game, but that’s just how life is at the moment.
You may (or may not) remember that I started off 2011 with some lofty goals of cultivating both discipline and intentionality in my life. I established some good habits and by and large did very well for the first 10 months of the year.
Then I got pregnant.
Yes, you read that right.
I am with child.
See? The picture says so.
Baby number two is set to arrive in early July, and the news came as a great shock to me. The planner in me reeled from the fact that God’s plans differed so drastically from my own, and I’m still not completely used to the idea that there will be another little kiddo in our house come July. It’s a big change that I’ve not yet adjusted to.
Thankfully, God provides nine months to get over the shock. I’m still working on it :)
I’m one of the lucky ones who doesn’t really get sick when I’m pregnant, but what I lack in nausea, I make up for in exhaustion. The end of 2011 found me pretty lackluster, which meant that many of my lofty goals got shoved to the side.
Not making excuses – just being honest.
For the most part, I’ve kept the news offline because I just wasn’t ready for it to be real, but in an attempt to actually deal with reality, I’m putting it out there for all of you to see.
The place I’m in at the moment is difficult. I want to be thankful and excited about this baby, but right now it’s hard. And that makes me feel guilty, because I know that children are a gift from God. I also have entirely too many friends who have struggled with infertility to be flippant about this. We’ve always wanted more than one child…
This just isn’t when I thought it would happen.
And that’s really the heart of the issue. Because I’m a control freak, it drives me crazy to be reminded that I am not, in fact, in control. God is. He always has been. He always will be.
It’s not always easy to conform your own will to the will of God. This is a truth that I’m learning all over again.
I put all this out there for the sake of honesty. When it comes to babies and parenting and life in general, I’m afraid that we glaze over the difficult parts and put on a plastic smile far too often. But when we do that, we rob ourselves, and each other, of the authenticity that we desperately need.
So here’s to being authentic. And the arrival of the second trimester, which, so far, has brought more energy. Hopefully, that means I’ll be around more often.
Until next time, grace and peace.
Hi.
I know I’ve been gone for too long, but there has been good reason, I promise. You may remember me mentioning how very busy the past few months have been. Busy and chaotic. And draining.
I took some time to get my head back together, which was coming unraveled. You can ask Dennis. It wasn’t pretty. I was snippy and snappy and downright unhappy, but I’m getting better.
In the midst of all of that, I lost my voice. I couldn’t write. I stared at the computer screen and hated myself for not being able to produce meaningful content. I questioned my calling.
I broke down and aired it all out with Dennis one night. The next day I did the same with two of my closest friends. They encouraged me greatly. I took some time off. Got my hair cut and colored.
And now I’ve got my nose to the grindstone – working hard to finish up work on a pretty big writing project. The good news is that I’ve found my voice again. Which means that you’ll be seeing more of me around these parts.
Eventually.
After I get this curriculum written :)
Until next time, grace and peace.
This is just a quick post to share the fabulous news that Logan went home yesterday! When I consider where he was last week and where he is now, I am overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness to heal my little nephew. So thank you for your prayers, and please keep them coming. He’ll be on steroids and anti-seizure medication for several months.
He’s not 100 percent, but he’s a lot closer than he was last week. Clearly, he was feeling well enough to ride a trike down the hospital hall yesterday. Whenever you think of Logan, please pray for his complete recovery from ADEM. We appreciate those prayers more than you know.
Until next time, grace and peace.
