Life has been busy lately. So busy, in fact, that I haven't taken the time to sit down and write here as often as I would like. With a baby set to arrive in just three weeks, baskets of pink onesies and fluffy blankets have swallowed me. I've been getting her room in order and and hosting family and having a baby shower, and life has been insane. In the midst of my normal, everyday life, I've been consumed by writing projects. I've got articles coming out in ec and myMISSIONfulfilled in September, and another article coming out in the December issue of ec. I've also signed a contract to write Sunday school curriculum for Clarity Publishers, and I've completed one of six lessons. I'm trying to crank out a couple more lessons before it's baby time. All of that explains my recent absence. If you don't hear from me again for a while, it probably means that the baby is here and I'm getting used to life as a new parent. But regardless of all that is going on in my life, consuming my time and occupying my thoughts, I am still called to be about the business of God. Last week I wrote a Sunday school lesson to teach other people, but this week, the truths of the lesson keep popping up in my life. It seems that I need to teach myself the things that I wanted to teach others. It's far too easy for me to lose sight of God in the middle of my busy-ness, and I was on the verge of turning down a wonderful opportunity to serve him because the timing is inconvenient.
But last night and this morning, I've realized that it will never be convenient to serve God. There will always be something else pressing for my attention. For too long, I've made excuses. I waited until summertime to sing in the choir because I couldn't attend practice during the semester. I waited until I graduated from seminary to teach at church because I wanted to give it my full attention. I waited until after school to have a baby because I couldn't imagine doing both at the same time. I like to plan and organize my life, but for a year now I've been praying for God to open doors and create opportunities for me to serve him. Now that he has opened them, I've wanted to run away because I think the timing is lousy. It's funny how God works.
God knew that I needed to write that Sunday school lesson to remind me of the truths I thought I was teaching others, when in reality, He was teaching me. All the while I typed away, encouraging people to claim the lessons for themselves, but I had never made them my own, and I'm learning that when God has something to say, He will say it loud and clear.
On October 2, 2008, I wrote in my journal:
Never stop teaching me your ways, Father. Help me to be a person who reflects your beautiful character to the world. Looking back over the last year makes me look forward to the next. What will it look like? Where will I be? Will I be a mother? Will I be writing? Will I be teaching? Lord, you know. I rest in your consecration and anointing. I am uncertain about the future. Frustrated by the difficulty of being a woman in ministry. Intimidated by all the other writers out there. But Lord, I know that I don't have to prove myself. If I do what you have called and gifted me to do, it will be undeniable. Oh Lord, may you find me faithful.
Some of those questions have been answered. Life now looks very different than it did last year, but it is good. I will be a mother very soon. I'm writing. And now, I have the chance to teach regularly. These are the things I prayed for, and God has been faithful to answer those prayers. I just needed to be reminded of that. It is still and always will be my prayer that as the Lord teaches me, he will find me faithful. Even now.