This Writing Life

For as long as I can remember, writing, and the reflection that it requires, has been the way that I process the world. There were diaries and journals, long, rambling notes passed in the hallways at school, and countless snail mail letters sent to my best friend in Texas. I’ve always been a writer.

I started my first blog on a whim my freshman year in college when I was meant to be studying for finals. Imagine the stream of consciousness of an 18-year-old girl, and you’ll have the general idea. In a time before content creation and social media existed, it was the way that I shared my life with the world. Unfiltered and unadorned, out there for all to see.

A couple of years after I started blogging online, I moved from Blogger to LiveJournal, where I wrote faithfully for eight years. That LiveJournal account saw me through college, seminary, the early years of marriage, and the birth of my first child.

By that time, I was writing freelance for several Christian publishers, and I decided that my online writing needed a more professional look. I set all the old Blogger and LiveJournal posts to private, bought a domain, and launched this web site. For 11 years, I showed up here on a fairly regular basis, but then, something shifted.

Looking back, I can’t pinpoint the exact moment that things changed, but I know that over time, I stopped feeling free to write about my life and started feeling pressure to produce articles written to inspire. Eventually, as Muscadine Press took over more and more of my time and attention, I stopped writing on here at all.

But lately, I haven’t been feeling much like myself. When I stopped to think about what might be causing the disconnect, I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I sat down and wrote simply to reflect on and process life as I know it.

So here I am, showing up to write once more. I’m not making any promises about frequency or content, but dusting off this old blog and typing out my thoughts feels like the right thing to do, so I’m going to do it.

Until next time, grace and peace.

All the Ways I'm Not Enough

I’m a little ashamed to admit this, but since we’re all friends here, I feel like it’s a safe place to say that a few days ago, I cleaned our master bathroom for the first time since early December. And actually, now that I think about it, when I cleaned the bathroom in December, I don’t think I cleaned the shower or bathtub. Just the counters, sinks, and toilet. You can imagine how truly gross things had gotten.

Don’t judge me.

Now, I would normally never ever admit these things out loud. Much less put them on the internet for all the world to see, but I feel compelled to put this little snapshot of the real me out there.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? Hi, my name is Leslie Ann, and even though I’m more than a little OCD about clearing away clutter, I’m a total slacker when it comes to actual cleaning.

Here are some of the other problems I’m currently dealing with: I’m naturally a night owl who would rather stay up until 2 a.m. working on a project than rise early to get a jumpstart on the day. I’m a perfectionist who sometimes lets fear of failure keep me from chasing dreams. I also have a very real issue with pride, owning mistakes, and admitting that I don’t in fact have a clue what I’m doing most of the time.

Early last month, my friend Meredith and I were texting, and I told her that I was feeling overwhelmed by life. Between preparing for a workshop last weekend, writing a series on spiritual disciplines, developing a marketing plan for Muscadine Press, finding a new printer for our journals, getting ready to resume teaching 1 Samuel at church, dreaming up and planning for new product releases in June, and preparing to exhibit at a market in Birmingham next month, my plate was overloaded. When I added in the regular stuff of everyday life like cleaning bathrooms, buying groceries, taking kids to practice, and cooking dinner, it felt impossible.

So Meredith and I were texting, and I gave her the same laundry list I just gave you. And then I said this: “Maybe it’ll be all right. By the grace of God. And the work of the Holy Spirit.” Truth be told, I said it a bit flippantly. Because that’s the sort of thing that good Christians are supposed to say when they’re overwhelmed. “God’s got this. It’s going to be OK. No worries.”

But then, y’all, I started wondering what would happen if I actually lived like I believed what I just said. What if, instead of trying to bootstrap it, I started praying for God to enable me? What if, instead of trying to do things in my own strength, I started asking for the Holy Spirit to empower me? How would things be different? Would they be better?

For a long time now, I’ve been trucking along doing life by the strength of my own will. I’m pretty stubborn, and I don’t admit defeat easily, so even though I was dropping balls left and right, I refused to acknowledge that I just couldn’t do it on my own.

But last month, I finally let go. And God is amazing me with his grace.

It started with a growing conviction that I needed to put my big girl panties on and become a morning person, like it or not. Now, I’ve tried this more than once over the years, but because I work from home and my schedule is flexible and my tendencies didn’t really affect anyone but me, I was OK with keeping things the way they were.

But it wasn’t working anymore. This deserves a post of its own someday, so for now, just trust me when I say that something had to give. I started praying for God to help me. I admitted that I couldn’t do it. That I didn’t want to do it. But that I knew I needed to.

And y’all. By his grace, he’s changing me. I’m not strong enough to resist the temptation to crawl back into bed each morning. I know this because I’ve spent a lot of years not resisting the temptation. But when I started praying for God to give me the strength, he did.

I’m not enough, but he is.

This little change has been HUGE for me. I’ve spent more consistent time in Bible study and prayer in the past month than I have in years. I’ve had more time to work productively while the girls are at school. And to actually use my gym membership. And to start making progress on that long, long list of things that I had given Meredith.

Making the best use of my mornings means that I can devote afternoons and evenings to our family and home. Hence the bathroom cleaning. And random board games with the girls after school. Meals around the table that I’ve actually planned and shopped for. And a fresh sense of humility and awareness of my own shortcomings.

As long as I insisted that I didn’t need any help, I didn’t get any, and our whole family suffered for it. Trust me when I say that life is better this way, relying on God to give me the strength and fortitude for each new day to become the kind of person that he has always intended me to be.

I say all of this just to let you know that if you’re floundering, you’re not alone. So many of us, I think, struggle to keep it together and do all the things. We feel like we’re simply not enough, and friend, I’m here to tell you that you feel that way because you’re not. There’s a well-intentioned message out there that says “You are enough, just as you are. You’re good enough. You’re strong enough. You’ve got this.”

And while I appreciate what they’re trying to say—that you don’t have to be perfect to be loved and you don’t have to be all the things for all the people all the time—it falls short of the truth.

The truth is that we are not enough. We are limited human beings, and we aren’t good enough, strong enough, kind enough, loving enough, gracious enough, patient enough, faithful enough, tough enough, committed enough, or able enough to be the kind of person and do the kind of things that God intends for us.

And here’s the kicker: we were made this way on purpose. We’re supposed to feel our lack, our not-enoughness, because when we reach the end of ourselves and come up wanting, that’s when we can finally and fully recognize how much we need God. Our lack forces us to reach out and rely on him instead of our own strength.

Though we are limited, he is limitless. He has no shortage of goodness, strength, kindness, love, grace, patience, faithfulness, toughness, commitment, or ability. He has all of those things in abundant supply, and only in him, are we ever enough.

So maybe it’s better for us to say that Jesus is enough. Only when I’m in Christ, will I ever be enough, because he fills up my lack. I’m not strong enough to resist temptation, but he is. I’m not good enough to be good enough, but he is. I’m not able to save myself from myself, but he is.

I am not enough, and I never will be, but that’s OK, because Jesus is. And he’s faithful to give us just what we need right when we need it. We need only ask.

Until next time, grace and peace.

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Muscadine Press: A New Name for the Shop

Hello friends! I've got some really BIG news today that's been in the works for quite some time. Months, even. I've kept it under wraps while working out the details and kinks, but the time has arrived to  make it official: The LAJ Shop is now Muscadine Press.

What? Why would you change the name?

Well, it's kind of a long story. Let me start at the beginning. When God first led me to shift from custom stationery to creating resources and tools to equip women for faithful life, I never landed on a name that felt right. So I just opened up shop under my own name and called it good. 

But as time went on, something felt...off...about it. Promoting the shop always felt a little funny because I felt like I was promoting myself, and it made me feel gross. I didn't like it, but I still had  no clear direction for the name. So I waited, and I prayed.

Then, last spring, as I was studying the book of John with a sweet group of ladies at my church, I couldn't walk away from chapter 15. In it, Jesus calls himself the Vine. If that's true, then we're the branches, and we're called to bear fruit. Lots of it. As I mulled over the chapter, I felt a rightness about it that had been missing. This, I knew, was the heart of my work. Every single item I create is carefully designed to cultivate faithfulness day in and day out, and I wanted to tuck that idea into a name. Finally, after months of stewing over vines and vinedressers, vineyards and gardeners, grapes and fruit, I thought about muscadines, and Muscadine Press was born.

So What's a Muscadine, Anyway?

Now, if you're not from the South, you may be wondering what a muscadine is. Don't worry, you're not alone. Muscadines are a distinctly Southern variety of grape. They're happy to grow on their own in the wild, but they also flourish in cultivated vineyards. With a sweet flavor and tough skin, muscadines love the sun and produce more grapes than anyone knows what to do with.

Muscadine Press is a name rooted in the gospel, but I also love that it's a little nod to my Southern heritage. It reminds me of the beautiful diversity of God's people. Some of us are muscadines. Some of us are concords. Some of us are lembergers. Some of us are sweet jubilees. Some of us are rieslings. But we're all his. And we're all called to cultivate a faithful life.

So, what does this mean moving forward?

Well, I'll continue to offer the same products that you know and love, but the shop now has its own identity apart from me. This is a GOOD thing! The shop has been relocated to muscadinepress.com. All shop-related news and content now resides there. 

This site (leslieannjones.com) will remain a place for me to write and share about faith, life, and whatever else happens to be on my heart and mind. This comes as a great relief to me. SO many times in the past couple of years, I've held off on writing about something because it was "off-brand." And that's no good.

There's so much more to say about this change, but this blog post is already long enough. Thank you for sticking with me over the past few years as I have navigated all these changes. When it comes right down to it, changing the name of the LAJ Shop to Muscadine Press feels like coming home.

And for that, I'm grateful. Until  next time, grace and peace.

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Let’s celebrate with a special offer!

Thank you so much for your faithful support and encouragement! You're the reason that I do what I do, and I couldn't be more thankful. To celebrate our new name and to say thank you, we have an offer that's just for you. Use the code LAJBLOG to save 20% off your ENTIRE purchase from Muscadine Press. Hope to see you there sometime soon! Offer valid for one use only. Expires 2/14/18 at 11:59 p.m.